Monday, January 3, 2011

The Room Review

This movie is absurd. The dialogue, the set and the soundtrack are laughable. The clown who directed and wrote this movie clearly did not intend for it to be a comedy, but it undoubtedly is. One thing that is not funny however, is how awful this movie is to look at. There is not one attractive person in the cast. Tommy Wiseau (writer, director, actor) has way too many sex scenes (more like one sex scene with the same stock footage being used to recreate a different sex scene, probably because his co-star couldn’t take one more second of looking at his albeit muscular body, which looks like mashed potatoes from a Royal Fork buffet). The female lead insists upon wearing some sort of sea-green eye shadow which is absolutely nauseating. The wardrobe of all of the characters is dreadful. Wiseau wearing ridiculous pants and another male character wearing a denim suit.

The set of the film is not at all visually appealing either. In fact, far from it. Everything looks like it is made from cardboard. If a child’s diorama of a house was blown into real-life size, this is what it would look like. The entire aura of the film screamed of cheap (or as a chicken says, “cheep, cheep, cheep…”) porn - and not in a good way. This would be porn with no payoff. And even worse than that, if it was your first exposure to movies, it would make you never want to see another. If it were your first exposure to watching on screen “romance,” you would swear off sex indefinitely.

I would NOT want to live in this film. And here’s a question…who makes a cocktail of whiskey mixed with vodka?

Check out this rap someone created on YouTube to summarize the movie plot:
*****WARNING - Spoiler Alert*****

Saturday, January 1, 2011

The Fighter Review

Although the story was inspiring and touching, I cannot recommend this movie as one that you would want to live in or one that is aesthetically pleasing. Far from it. Crack houses, crack whores, dismal circumstances and rundown gyms – not appealing. It created a sense that if you were involved in this life, everything would be very, very smelly. Body odour, cigarette smoke, crack-stench (whatever that smells like) and lots and lots of sweat. The clothing and hairstyles are not at all flattering – even though the film takes place in the mid-’90s, the people in this small town look like they will forever be stuck in the 1980s.

All the women look trashy and hideous. So do the men. Yuck! Even Amy Adams who I can see appealing to some people (she’s not my personal favorite) looked quite skanky. And Christian Bale – eek! Definitely not his most flattering appearance. However, the one saving grace for the eyes is the handsome Mark Wahlberg. Very nice, VERY nice. Luckily he has a lot of screen time and is often showcasing his best assets.

Thank you for bringing beauty to this movie, Marky Mark.