Sunday, November 17, 2013

Insidious:Chapter 2

Insidious makes Patrick Wilson hideous. Enough said. Such a shame.

Saturday, July 27, 2013

The Conjuring


Okay. Firstly, The Conjuring is a 70's period piece. How can one possibly give a good review based on aesthetics in that decade? Putrid curtains, hideous wallpaper and revolting knickknacks. The structure of the house is an okay canvas and the property is located on a gorgeous river with a dock. Who doesn’t love a dock? However, the place is full of demonic spirits. What would anyone want with that place? Demons always have a way of messing up beautiful homes – smashing things, turning things upside down, scattering your clean, folded laundry and creating a rotting meat scent. Not a wise purchase on anyone’s part.
Now, there is one saving grace in this movie – the handsome, ever-pleasing Patrick Wilson. Not enough movies are made with this beautiful man in them. One if the opening scenes has a close up of his face where you can do nothing but stare at his welcoming, kissable lips. What a great way to hook ones interest and put aside all the other unappealing visuals.
The  movie is filled with the ghastly fashion of the 70's, so not really a lot of skin being shown. However, Patrick Wilson's character sports those tight, clingy polyester pants, which, can be delightfully all is forgiven wardrobe department.
Ed Warren (Patrick Wilson): Can we do it again?
Any smart woman: Yes we can. Again and again and again…

Monday, May 21, 2012

The Vow

Okay.  Here’s the thing-this movie’s plot is seriously flawed.  You wake up from a coma and you find out you are married to Channing Tatum and you are reluctant to go home with him?  Really?  I would be jumping out of that hospital bed, ripping out the I.V. myself, hailing a taxi and tipping the driver for getting me home as fast as he could so we could re-consummate our marriage. 

This movie was fantastic to look at.  Tatum and McAdams are both gorgeous leads.  The scenes with the snow falling are breathtaking.  Chicago is always a magnificent backdrop for any film.  My only beef is with the aesthetics of the movie is with their apartment.  Structurally nice, but too cluttered and messy and could have used much nicer furniture and a good paint job. 

Definitely worth seeing.  I would want to live in this film.  And here’s a spoiler for you-you get to see many of Tatum’s finest features in their unclothed glory!  Is there any better reason to see a film?

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Best Picture Prediction

The Descendents
George Clooney-gorgeous. His clothes-egh. Overall, he is soooo handsome. This will be the taker.
The Artist Didn't see it. Just watched the preview. Nice to look at-gorgeous period piece. Black and white though-no prize.
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close Didn't see it. Looks sad. Trailer made it look beautiful. Nice houses and great scenery of New York. Maybe.
The Help
Nice to look at. Emma Stone is gorgeous. No prize though.
Hugo Didn't see it. Looks like it would be good to look at. Kid as lead character. No award.
Midnight in Paris
Gorgeous footage of Paris. Would be a winner except for the hideous Owen Wilson. He cost this movie the award.
Moneyball Inspiring. Brad Pitt-fantastic, but bad hair. Philip Seymor Hoffman, no thanks. The clothes the characters wore were terrible. No prize, even with Brad Pitt's fine self.
Tree of Life Didn't see it. Seemed like it would be exhausting to watch. Heard parts were nice to look at. Not convinced. No little golden guy.
War Horse Love horses, but not war. I'm a lover not a fighter. Didn't see it. Will not win.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo Review

A highly disturbing film. I feel badly criticizing the poor lead character, Lisbeth Salander in the movie because she has clearly had a very hard life, but yuck! She appears as though she would not smell very good at all and I was completely distracted throughout the film by her seemingly non-existent eyebrows. Not for me. However, she does have a gorgeous body. The Bjurman character– yuck, gross, yuck. The opening sequence was interesting to look at but unsettling. Knowing absolutely nothing about this movie before I went in, I was very pleased to see that Daniel Craig was the leading man. His eyes can improve any film and he looked terrific in his partially nude scenes. Very nice Daniel, very nice. The first scene was magical with the beautiful snow falling in the countryside. The home of the character Martin Vanger is spectacular. I would love to live in that house. However, what he has downstairs would be a real buzz kill.

The Devil Inside Review

What garbage! Okay, maybe not total garbage. There was a lovely leading lady – Fernanda Andrade (they should have put her on the movie poster; the current one is revolting). Also, there was some beautiful footage of Italy. However, there are plenty of movies which have lovely ladies and fabulous footage of Italy. DO NOT waste your money on this trash.

Real Steel Review

My, my, my. It was fantastic to see Hugh Jackman in a movie again. A real movie. Not some sort of sill X-Men film where he has ridiculous facial hair. He is a dream. So, so, so gorgeous. I have to say that he looked like he would have been a bit smelly at times, however, I would take a sweaty Hugh Jackman over a squeaky-clean Mark Ruffalo any day. Hugh’s love interest Evangeline Lilly is smoking hot as well so there is great eye-candy in this film for everyone. There are a couple of downsides to the film. Hugh Jackman’s character, Charlie Kenton, basically lives in a motor-home of sorts, which I’m assuming does not have proper grooming facilities – this is clearly an issue. Also, some of the robots are quite rusty and grubby looking. Also, the gym that Charlie goes to is quite run-down. I would like to live in this movie just to be able to be with and look at Charlie Kenton everyday and I love boxing. I would just need to have him come to my place which would be clean and have a shower and a bathtub.